Usama Ice Cream
by theguywhohasaname
Summary: If reading something humorous involving September 11 bothers you, don't read it. If not... Read an' review!
1. De Plane, Boss, De Plane!

Oh, yes yes yes yes yes! Muahahahaha!!! Judecca is back in business. And, to celebrate, I think I will write the first chapter of something strangely... Well, strange. Hehehehehe....  
  
Duo stared ahead at the newly opened ice cream shop. "This place wasn't here yesterday... Something isn't right. Places like this don't just appear overnight, I'll get the others and we'll... HEY! Free ice cream to celebrate the grand opening!" Duo happily yelled as he saw the sign hanging next to the door. He quickly ran inside, and was soon back out on the sidewalk staring at his 7-scoop-high ice cream cone. "Hehehe... Hey, what's with all of these little airplane-shaped sprinkles?" He wondered aloud. One of the sprinkles fell and hit the ground, and their was a fairly large explosion. "WHATTHEHELLWASTHAT?!" Duo screamed. "There is something seriously wrong with this ice cream!" Duo ran and tossed the ice cream into a nearby garbage can, and immediately it was blown to pieces.  
  
***  
  
Duo grabbed Heero by the arm and pointed up at the sign. "See, see, that's the one!" The other gundam pilots looked up at the sign and read the name of the ice cream shop. "What the? Usama Ice Cream, Now Ubuysome? What kind of an ice cream shop is this?" Trowa asked. "A really bad one. The sprinkles are shaped like little airplanes, and when they hit something, they explode. Watch!" Duo instructed them as he threw a sprinkle at the world trade center, which happened to be next door to the ice cream shop (Okay, I know, I'm evil, so sue me. Er... Please don't.). The trade center began collapsing. "This is not a normal ice cream shop. Come on, we should go have a chat with the owner..." Quatre said, already having developed a theory.  
  
*** Meanwhile, at the pentagon... ***  
  
"Um, Mr. Clinton? You aren't supposed to be here. You aren't president anymore." The guard informed Bill. "Well, now, I wouldn't say that. Once a president, always a president, am I right, my fellow Americans?" Needless to say, nobody answered. Nobody was even paying attention. "Aw, come on, now. Can't ya let me in just for an hour or so? Don't forget that blowjob I gave you! You owe me!" Bill shouted. "Ah, uh, keep your voice down! You can go inside, just don't say anything about that..." Bill nodded his head and entered the pentagon. "Oh, look, ice cream..." Bill smiled as he saw the sign proclaiming 'Usama Ice Cream, the best ice cream this side of Islam!'  
  
Several minutes afterward, there was a fire in the pentagon. Strangely enough, Bill was nowhere to be found...  
  
*** Back in NYC ***  
  
"Excuse me, sir, do you own this place?" Quatre asked. The man across the counter nodded his head. "What's your name?" He asked. "Uh... Uh... Isama Ben Ludan... Yes, that is being my name." The man hesitantly replied. "Okay, Mr. Ludan. Are you aware that your airplane-shaped sprinkles are explosive?" The man thought carefully before replying. "Um... Yes?" Quatre nodded his head. "Oh, alright then. See you later!" And then the gundam pilots exited the ice cream shop. The second they did so, however, Isama began laughing maniacally. "Those fools were thinking that I am really being Ben Ludan! But I am actually.. Osama Bin Laden, the terrorist! Oh, hello, how may I help you?" He asked, finally realising that president Bush had entered the store about the time the gundam pilots had, and was waiting to place his order. "Yes, I'd like a single scoop of vanilla ice cream... Ooh, and could you put on extra sprinkles? Thanks!"  
  
Ah, twisted and maniacal. And I have no doubt that I will have many people yelling at me... As if I give a damn. R+R nonetheless, people! 


	2. Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh TALIBANM...

To anyone who has a problem with whatever I may write here, I say... FUCK OFF. To those of you who are NOT mindless fools with no sense of humor, read on....  
  
Relena looked up at the sky, and spoke. "Heero..." Then a random passing stranger slapped her. "QUIT FRIGGIN' DOIN' THAT! It was bad enough in the series, it was HORRIBLE in Endless Waltz, I wont allow you to walk around talking to yourself about your obsession with Heero in this fic, too!" And then the stranger pointed at a nearby building. "Now go in there, that's where your scene is." And the stranger, none other than the author of this fic, ran off grinning insanely while Relena entered Usama Ice Cream...  
  
"Oh, hello... May I ask what flavors you have?" Relena asked. "Of course. We have Tropical Terrorist Punch, Bubblebomb Gum, Vanilla Killa, our popular Grenade Sundae, and many other flavors. The list is on the wall, if you wish to read it." Relena finally decided on a Suicide (*WINK*). She took it outside, and once she had walked a short way from the ice cream shop, she took a bite...  
  
Duo suddenly turned to face the direction the loud explosion had come from. "What the...? That's back towards that Usama Ice Cream place! Maybe we should have stopped him after all..." The other pilots quickly agreed and they all took off running towards the explosion. When they finally got there, they saw that Relena had eaten the ice cream. "Aw... Too bad. NOT!" Heero said with a grin. "Wow... Didn't like her much, huh, Heero?" Quatre asked. Heero, who was near delirious with happiness, shook his head. "Hell no... Why would I like someone like her when I could have Duo..." Then Heero realized his mistake. "Oops."  
  
Duo blinked at Heero. "Wow... You're gay? You? Mr. Perfect Soldier? Ha... Well, all I have to say to that is-" And then, conveniently, there was another explosion. "AH! Another??" Quatre shrieked, leaping into Trowa's arms. Trowa smirked. "Reliving the Scooby Doo days?" Quatre coughed slightly. "Uh... Well, it worked for... Nobody... But still... *ahem* I'm gay and madly in love with you. Please don't hurt me!" Trowa raised an eyebrow. "Well, all I can think of to say in response is that I... That I... Aw, dammit, there's not going to be an explosion for me? Why does HEERO get an explosion, but not ME? It's not fair!" Then there was an explosion. "Cool! Let's go."  
  
The first explosion had been Bin Laden. He apparently had forgotten that the airplane-shaped sprinkles were explosive, and had decided to sample his own ice cream... And for some reason, nobody could find him afterwards, no matter how much they searched. The second explosion had been a very large man who had come out of Taco Bell with a very bad case of gas. "Great... Heero gets an actual explosion, and I get a fat guy with gas..." Trowa muttered. "Well, it's better than nothing. Now, Quatre... I love you too!"  
  
Wufei glared at Quatre and Trowa, then glared at Duo and Heero. "Now I suppose you're going to turn out to love him, too? Leaving me all alone, with nobody, as usual... I always get left out!" Duo shrugged. "Anti-social behavior, Wu-man. Be nicer, and good things happen." Then Duo turned to Heero. "Heero... I have something to tell you." Duo paused for a moment before continuing. "Heero... You're standing on my foot." Heero coughed and stepped backwards. "Oh, right, and I love you, too."  
  
But little did the gundam pilots know that, at that very moment, the enemy was watching them... Waiting to strike... And when he saw his opportunity, he struck. "I am being the big scary guy with the funny accent, the manufacturer of explosive airplane-shaped sprinkles, I am... TALIBANMAN!" Though unfortunately for Talibanman, Wufei had decided to be less anti-social, and leapt at him, frenching the poor terrorist before he had a chance to react. "Talibanman is very pleased with this, but Talibanman must still be continuing his reign of terror!" He said once Wufei had stopped being quite so friendly.  
  
"No! I wont allow this. I will stop you, Talibanman!" Duo said, leaping in front of the terrorist. "Oh? You intend on stopping me alone?" Talibanman whistled, and an army of terrorists emerged from their hiding spots. "You cannot do it. I will be being victorius!" Talibanman proclaimed. "Oh yeah? Well... I've got... Well, I WOULD have a gundam, if SOMEONE hadn't decided to blow them up..." Duo shot a glare at Quatre. "So, I guess this will have to do..." Duo whistled, and suddenly...  
  
To be continued...? 


End file.
